The average American says “thank you” six times a day. Yet despite its relevance within our vocabulary, its use cases are specific and limited. “Thank you” is used when someone holds the door for you, when something goes well because of another’s doing, at the Thanksgiving table with your extended family when asked what you’re grateful for this year. “Thank you” is reactive and bounded, and therefore, our limited displays of gratitude follow suit.
As humans, we are more likely to remember insults over praise and traumatic experiences over positive ones. We suffer a negativity bias, where our minds are conditioned to focus on negative stimuli over positive stimuli. In turn, the positivity we experience is filtered through a lens of negativity. TEDx speaker Sarah Wood suggests that humans are conditioned to believe that in order to earn joy, they need to suffer in turn.
To overcome our innate bias, especially in a dreary season cumbered by finals and rainy weather that makes negativity an easy trap to fall into, we need to rethink how we approach joy and gratitude. As we anticipate the holiday season, gratitude shouldn’t be just a passive response; it should be an active practice to build joy.
Social psychologist Barbara Fredrickson coined the 3-to-1 positivity ratio, explaining that for every negative emotion one experiences, we need three positive experiences to thrive, not just survive. In so, we can’t completely eliminate negative emotions — life is inevitable and happens.
Counteracting this requires flipping our positivity ratio and focusing on increasing the positive numerator over negating the denominator. Gratitude is one of the simplest ways to introduce positivity within our lives and can help us regulate our anxiety responses and strengthen human connections. Studies have found that people who participate in gratitude practices, like gratitude journaling, are happier and emotionally stronger than those who don’t. Gratitude encourages focusing on positive emotions over negative ones that inhibit our daily lives.
By consciously practicing gratitude, we act as “joy soldiers,” coined by Wood in her TEDx Talk. Joy soldiers spread joy within their circles through deliberate gratitude, enforcing a ripple effect for their communities. Gratitude visits, like writing a thank you letter to someone and delivering it to them, have been found to increase levels of happiness, well-being and purpose, as well as improve relationships. Practicing gratitude also fosters a larger culture of kindness and recognition, while simultaneously helping oneself build resilience and emotional stability.
When approaching gratitude, we must be relational with our intentions. Wood encourages viewing gratitude through two lenses: connection and reflection. Building joy arises from being a good listener and present, while simultaneously building internal self-awareness. Here, Wood pinpoints the difference between happiness and joy — happiness is external, joy is built within.
Considering our student body’s general state of financial privilege and the comfort of our lives, practicing gratitude to build joy may feel dismissive when others face such different and perhaps more severe struggles. But to consciously apply gratitude doesn’t ignore or sugarcoat struggle; it establishes resilience, authenticity and kindness even if a good task hasn’t been completed and “thank you” isn’t required.
Though Thanksgiving is over, gratitude doesn’t have to end with it. We can be more conscious of the thankfulness we practice in order to develop a school community that celebrates it. It’s easy to get lost in MVHS’ hustle culture, where unwanted test grades and lost leadership positions are amplified and overshadow our smaller successes. But by actively seeking out joy to balance negativity, we set ourselves up for a future as emotionally stronger, better-adjusted adults who are flourishing, not just moving through life.
It doesn’t have to be big — gratitude journaling, writing down three things you’re grateful for every morning, gratitude conversations or a simple thank you note all set you up as a joy soldier. Within your community, whether school, home or a third space, try having appreciation moments or reflection sessions with the people you care about. By treating gratitude as an active movement and commitment to joy, we establish a society that looks to build joy together. “Thank you” doesn’t have to be a reflex; it can be a pioneer in moving past our innate negativity biases and forging joy.
