Dear Volleyball,

After the five years we’ve spent together, I’m finally moving on. You’ve taught me countless lessons and given me so many memories to cherish, but I’ve decided to shift my full commitment to cross country and track and field.

Volleyball, you helped me grow into someone stronger than I used to be. You made me confident, quicker and sharper, and you taught me how to keep pushing when it felt like everything was falling apart. You helped me build endurance for a long game and mental strength I never knew I needed. Somewhere between tournaments that lasted all day and practices filled with sweat and laughter, I found something I didn’t expect: a community. A group of people who celebrated every small win, reminded me that I had a home on and off the court and supported me, despite my disadvantages — not playing for as long and not being as tall as everyone else. But I know you must be shocked. The decision wasn’t easy for me, switching from volleyball to running. For a while I was torn between the two — both running and volleyball felt like a home to me.

As spring rolled around in my freshman year, my mom encouraged me to do a spring sport. I tried to say no, because volleyball was all I wanted to dedicate my time to, but in the end, I decided to give track and field a shot. I reluctantly walked with the only person I knew on the track team to the field, surrounded by people I’d seen but never talked to. In the beginning, I felt awful. Everyone else was already good at running because of previous seasons, and they knew what a 1600 was when I didn’t. They shared inside jokes, while I felt like an outsider. I longed for the air conditioned gym where I was playing volleyball with my teammates instead of running with people I didn’t know in the searing heat.

But I was taken by surprise by the change brought with countless practices: the team started to make me feel seen. It started with small talk which grew to conversations. Before I knew it, I had become extremely close with the distance runners. They became like family to me — I found a coach who felt like another grandfather and friends who helped me forget my problems and reminded me what it was like to run with no worries about tests or grades.

While I felt like there was nothing stopping me with volleyball and that there was always room for improvement and growth, I learned that even though I could push past my height, I could only get so far. As I kept playing, the height standard in players would increase, while after a visit to the doctor I had realized that I would stay at the height of 5’3” for the rest of my life. Plus, there was only so much that plyometric training and vertical training could give me in volleyball. Knowing this made me feel stuck, like I was in an endless loop of dedication that was getting me nowhere. Because of that, I would blame myself for not training harder, for not being as dedicated as everyone else. While volleyball gave me joy, running gave me something deeper. I felt what it was like to do something I thought was impossible. With track, it felt like I could keep on improving with nothing stopping me, and I saw those results in every race.  

Running is where I felt most at home. While the cross country kids (who are mostly distance runners during the track and field season) were out on a trip to Oregon, I felt a longing to be running with them. My track teammates were people I would remember in my life forever, people who continue to shape me and push me in ways I never imagined. While I enjoyed being with my volleyball teammates, I felt like I had more freedom and choice in running. In volleyball, I am bound to my position. But in track, I can choose my events and I can choose what pace to run at.

I once tried to fit both volleyball and track into my schedule. Doing track and field and club volleyball worked my freshman year, but sophomore year came with new obstacles: a heavier workload, harder classes and less time. Because of this, I had to skip certain volleyball practices for track meets. It killed me inside knowing that I promised my coaches my full dedication, only to realize I couldn’t give my all to both. 

But volleyball, I’ll never forget all the memories I made — from making it onto the high school team to seeing myself improve. I’ll never forget the JV team that I played with. I’ll never forget my first club team, and I’ll certainly never forget my last club team. You helped fill a chapter of my life, and now it’s time for me to start another one: one of early mornings and sweat-filled days and endless fun. But moving on doesn’t mean I’ll forget everything you taught me. It only means I’ll carry all I learned while I run towards something new.

So volleyball, this is my goodbye. Not the kind where we forget everything we’ve built, but the kind that carries us forward. Every memory will stay with me long after I’ve stepped away from a volleyball court for the last time. You helped shape me into the woman I am today — strong, independent and resilient — and for that I will always be grateful.

And for the final time, thank you for everything.