Despite its growing prevalence in modern culture in places like the manosphere, toxic masculinity is not a concept often discussed within MVHS. Toxic masculinity is defined as exhibiting toxic behaviors towards yourself and others for the sake of appeasing gender stereotypes. According to nature, 80% of boys feel as though they’re not clear on what masculinity is. This contrasts with findings from stem4, which state that 37% of young men say they wouldn’t ask for help for a problem that makes them upset, anxious or depressed, due to the fears tied to toxic masculinity, including the fear of being perceived as weak or less masculine. Even though they themselves don’t fully understand what masculinity is, young men still feel the need to perform their gender for their peers in a way that is emotionally unsustainable.
Masculinity is generally difficult to define, given that it can be based on both one’s culture and upbringing. For example, senior Varun Singh views masculinity as a form of confidence, or the ability to feel affirmed and proud of your gender, while Guided Studies teacher Shawn Voigt views it more as the responsibility to offer a strong support system for those around you. However, Singh believes that obsessing over the idea of fulfilling your masculinity is ultimately pointless, which is where toxic masculinity stems from.
“It’s essentially like an obsession with affirming yourself,” Singh said. “You’re very obsessed with your appearance, you’re never satisfied with it, but you’re constantly trying to make it better. Toxic masculinity is like you’re obsessed with satisfying the idea of your masculinity, but you’re never really satisfied.”
Although toxic masculinity appears to be its own distinct issue, senior Anya Deshpande believes that toxic masculinity is also a symptom of patriarchy and misogyny. Deshpande’s personal definition of toxic masculinity includes the idea that men feel the need to hold power above those around them, leading them to subconsciously exhibit behaviors that put others, especially women, down. While Deshpande thinks the definition of masculinity has evolved over time to accommodate more modern and feminist ideas, she still experiences the misogynistic ripple effects that stem from toxic masculinity through the subtle ways men treat her in comparison to her male peers
“I mostly just face microaggressions,” Deshpande said. “Even when I was younger, and guys didn’t know any better, it was like, ‘Why would you do this? You’re a girl. Girls shouldn’t be doing this.’ Or when they’re mansplaining too. When they’re explaining something that I already know how to do, but they think I don’t know how to do it because I’m a woman, and they feel the need to explain it. I’m also more hyper aware of small changes in tone, or the way they speak to me, as if they speak to me differently than how they would speak to another man.”
As a teacher, Voigt notes how toxic masculinity can also manifest in a classroom setting, such as male students talking over their female peers or taking over leadership roles in group projects. From his experience witnessing students at MVHS, he specifically notices how boys typically overpowered other girls during class. Voigt recalls the harm toxic masculinity has inflicted on his own life, and is upset when he notices similar behaviors among his students.
“Learning about how toxic masculinity affects me and exists in society really broke me out of my shell and just gave me some more agency to live my life,” Voigt said. “So if I see a group of boys and there’s one girl in their group, they might be overpowering with ideas, and I see that kind of toxic masculinity, I don’t like it. We’re gonna figure it out, but I just hope that people will be kinder as they have more life experience and more empathy.”
Despite the presence of gender-based microaggressions in class and casual discussion, Deshpande believes toxic masculinity has little presence at MVHS. She believes that because the school community is very accepting towards gender expressions that differ from traditional gender roles, there isn’t really a need for men to impose their dominance over others, and that people at MVHS have the ability to recognize toxic masculinity as an issue.
“I feel like in Cupertino, we’re in such a bubble where men don’t feel a need to exert their masculinity as much as maybe in other places,” Deshpande said. “I think in MVHS, we’re more accepting than other high schools, so I haven’t seen anyone who’s been having troubles with toxic masculinity.”
However, Singh believes that toxic masculinity manifests itself through MVHS’ work culture. While this can be seen through how male students talk over their peers in a way that gives them an academic edge, Singh sees it in how male students view their self-worth and masculinity through the lens of their own work ethic.
“The idea is that the most masculine man is the most financially secure, the most successful person, and they’re able to provide for a family,” Singh said. “And that’s where it begins to loop back to traditional values, where you want to be the hardest working, the most stressed out, but you have everything under control. And it can be incredibly terrifying for some people. That idea that you have to have everything under control while also being the hardest working, most dedicated, most out-there person.”
Voigt reflects on his own personal experience as he grew up in an environment where boys were expected to display their strength and were therefore forced to hide their emotions. This prevented Voigt from truly understanding himself and being conscious of his feelings, which ultimately made him feel worse about himself. However, Voigt was eventually able to grow out of that mindset by educating himself on history and gender roles within society.
“I feel stupid looking back on it in hindsight,” Voigt said. “And I feel like, if people have that perception for men to be strong, then it does society a disadvantage. It also makes men buy into that narrative where they have to be strong and have to go to war and sacrifice their comfort and safety to ‘protect the nation’ or ‘their society’ and ‘a woman.’ I don’t think that responsibility is fair. And I think it’s a narrative that backstabs us.”
Mirroring Voigt’s association between toxic masculinity and strength, Singh also reflects on how although he started exercising to be healthier, he also did it for the sake of his own body image. He believes that focusing on physicality and appearance plays a large role in toxic masculinity, and that it’s the root of significant pressures for young men to uphold. Especially in the age of social media, men are very vulnerable to falling into the unhealthy mindset of actively threatening their own physical and mental well-being for the sake of making themselves appear more masculine.
“The idea that you’re competing with every other man around you to be more of a man is where this idea of toxic masculinity really comes from,” Singh said. “You’re constantly trying to one-up each other on this incredibly vague idea of ‘I’m more of a man than you’ through these measures that don’t really make you more of a man. That’s also the kind of thing with a lot of these online spaces; they need to put a number to things like testosterone and cortisol because it’s so vaguely defined. And they’re just trying to figure out in what ways I can compete.”
Singh believes it’s nearly impossible to fully remove toxic masculinity from society because it’s so embedded into our culture and understanding of self-perception that it requires everyone to reflect on and reset their preconceived and taught notions of gender and masculinity. Singh believes a good place to avoid the behaviors rooted in toxic masculinity is to first accept yourself and be truly comfortable with your actions.
“I think the best way to think about your masculinity is what makes you feel good,” Singh said. “Because if you’re driving yourself in a direction that makes you feel more like a man, but it doesn’t make you feel good, or it doesn’t make you satisfied with yourself or happy, then you’re ultimately going in the wrong direction. You’re treating masculinity as something that you’re fighting against, like you think you want to be more of a man, but this makes you feel worse about yourself, and that makes being a man feel antagonistic.”
