I sat at the kitchen table in my house in Rhode Island with a grilled cheese in hand. I was visiting for the summer, calmed by the familiarity of the environment. A salty breeze drifted through the screen door, carrying the sound of the waves with it. A carpenter ant scurried along the wall — yet another problem of living in an old house.

My grandmother walked through the door and put on the table a handful of sea glass that she had found while walking on the beach. She looked at me and said, “I can imagine it must be hard to choose between here and California. Which place would you choose?” I pondered her question as the sun hit the sea glass, covering the wall in a pattern of blue and green and white. I set the grilled cheese down and responded, hesitantly, “I don’t really know.”

I was born in Rhode Island, which is the smallest state in the United States. When I was 9, I moved to California, which was a big change for me since California is a bigger state with a much bigger population. Ever since then, I’ve always been asked which place I like more. My family in Rhode Island asked me if I liked Rhode Island more, as if they wanted to be sure that I wouldn’t leave them. It was always hard to answer, because there were so many different things that made me love both states.

I grew up surrounded by the little quirks of Rhode Island: the way that the forest gets so thick in the summer it’s hard to see through because the trees are full of leafs; the way that Blount’s Crab Shack has the best clam cakes I’ve ever tasted in my life; the way that almost every Rhode Islander knows what the Big Blue Bug is and that it’s located in state capital, Providence. But I’ve learned to love the little things of California, too: the way that the hills turn an emerald green in the winter and turn a golden brown in the summer, the way you can find so many boba places in a single town and the way that the fog that rolls over the hills near the coast of San Francisco has a name and it’s Karl.

Loving both places came with a feeling I despised. It felt as if both states were having a tug-of-war over me, both trying to find out where my heart truly lay. Being from Rhode Island is a big part of my identity — it’s where I was born and raised and where I took my first steps. It’s the comfort of the familiarity of the state that keeps me going back all the time. But at the same time, I’ve grown to find a familiarity in the state of California as well. I made friends that I trust, and I even found love when I never thought anyone would ever love me more than just a friend. I’ve developed my skiing skills, and learned how to advocate for myself. But trying to choose one state over the other felt like a conflict inside me. I want to stay close to my family and be there for my parents when they retire and need me.

But at the same time, I want to stay in California, close to my boyfriend and my friends and where the snow is fluffy rather than pure ice like on the east coast. I want to learn new things and try new experiences rather than holding myself back and staying in the comfort of being where I feel comfortable. I want to push myself and try new things, and grow as a person.

The next summer, I was back in Rhode Island. I had gotten back together with some friends from elementary school after not seeing them in six years. Even though we have changed, it felt just as it had when we were 8 years old. Like clockwork, my friend Sophie asked me the question I was waiting for: “Do you like California or Rhode Island more?” And for the first time in my life, I knew my answer. The realization came at me suddenly, then everything seemed so much more clear. Maybe I don’t need to choose one over the other. Maybe I can choose both.

So I’ve learned that maybe everything doesn’t need to have an exact answer. If I love California more than Rhode Island in one moment, that doesn’t mean I don’t love Rhode Island any less, and it doesn’t make it any less my home. Both places have a special place in my heart, one more than the other from moment to moment. There is room in my heart for both. I’ve learned that I can apply this to any aspect of my life: I can love my friends and my boyfriend and my family all equally. I can love the rolling golden hills of California and the coastal vibe of Rhode Island equally. So the next time someone asked me which one I love more, I gave them a smile and said both. Because you can choose both. Take it from someone who loves two different states on each coast.