Popular American media such as “High School Musical” or “Mean Girls” often portrays high school as a place for budding and passionate romance. However, reality — and MVHS in particular — doesn’t quite meet those expectations.
MVHS’s highly academic culture influences nearly every aspect of student life — so much so that even teachers have begun to notice its impact on high school romantic relationships. They observe that between the academic pressure in the school environment and social impacts from the pandemic and social media, romance is not as pervasive at MVHS compared to other high schools, according to observations from MVHS teachers.
Chinese teacher I-Chu Chang says that through classroom surveys and activities, she has seen a declining amount of students participating in romantic relationships in recent years. As someone who implements dating culture into her curriculum, with her Chinese 3 class having a “dating” unit and taking a survey about their own relationship status, she believes that getting into a romantic relationship in high school can be beneficial to students’ personal growth, and that students shouldn’t be hesitant to develop one in high school.
“During the COVID-19 pandemic, there was social distancing, and for a couple years after, it has affected people’s behavior,” Chang said. “When we came back from the pandemic, I felt that students were different. All of a sudden it’s hard for them to talk without a mask. Everyone is hiding who they are. To some people, if they aren’t wearing a mask, they feel like they are not putting on clothes. Right now, it’s getting better, but I still feel the culture somehow shifted all of a sudden after the pandemic.”
Although math teacher Josh Kuo also recognizes the pros of a romantic relationship, he believes that it takes more than just high school for students to truly understand themselves before committing to dating emotionally and physically. He highlights how deciding who and when to date requires careful consideration, especially in high school.
“I think a romantic relationship is a very exciting thing to have, no matter what age you are,” Kuo said. “Being in a relationship does help you if you can look at it in a healthy way. It can help with your self-development, self-exploration and what you’re looking for in a future relationship. So I don’t discourage it, but I also don’t think you need a romantic relationship in high school. My blanket statement is always, ‘I don’t recommend it, but it wouldn’t hurt to try.’”
Kuo notes how maturity is a key factor in determining when to begin a relationship. In high school — particularly at MVHS — where academic pressure is high, he believes many students lack a clear understanding of their wants, needs and level of commitment. He believes ages 17 or 18 are a more appropriate time to start dating, as students are better equipped to handle the emotions and lessons that come with dating. However, he added that certain students may benefit from dating earlier and applying those lessons later in life.
“A relationship makes you understand yourself more than the other person,” Kuo said. “A lot of times, it makes you understand what makes you happy and what makes you not happy, what triggers you and what you want in future relationships. You understand yourself more than ever because you didn’t realize you could be so mad, you could be so sad or you could be so happy. All these things are amplified because you put more effort into this kind of closer relationship.”
When Kuo started out student teaching at Independence High School in San Jose, he says it was more diverse than MVHS in terms of ethnicity and socioeconomic status, yet that usually didn’t factor into student relationships. He says that he’s observed a different expression of choosing a romantic partner at MVHS.
“It’s almost like picking a partner is part of your career,” Kuo said. “It determines your status and if you are in the right place, whereas in a lot of other high schools I’ve been in, I’ve seen relationships that are more passion-based. If people like each other, they’re just together — it doesn’t really matter if the guy is a bum. But I feel like in this school, for two people to be together, there is more consideration put into being an even match-up, where you need to be worthy of being together.”
Social studies teacher Hilary Barron attests to how the lockdown negatively impacted social learning, as well as how MVHS students prioritize academics over personal relationships. She adds that with the rising prominence of social media, she has seen people becoming more accustomed to interacting via devices rather than in person.
“With the rise of cell phone culture, I’ve been hearing nationwide news about fewer students engaging with drugs, alcohol and unsafe sex — which is a good thing,” Barron said. “But we’re also seeing the rise of this loneliness culture, where students and young people are just staying indoors and are on social media or are on their phones instead of engaging with each other face to face.”
Barron stresses the potential long-term psychological impact of this behavior in future romantic relationships. Especially in the context of her own high school experience, she says she formed lasting connections and believes that high school is a pivotal time for exploring romantic relationships and relationships in general.
“I think it’s very natural,” Barron said. “High school adolescence is a time to explore, and when our body is telling us to procreate. Society has changed from the hunter-gatherer days when that procreation was happening very young, but now people have other priorities — economic priorities and education-based priorities pushing it back. But it’s still part of our makeup and our humanity to want to connect with other people, either through friendships or through romantic engagements.”
Chang agrees with Barron, saying that students are naturally inclined to seek romantic connections. She believes high school provides an appropriate environment for exploring relationships and learning from those experiences.
“High school is a very cute time in our life to start learning to socialize or to learn how to date someone,” Chang said. “Because people break up often while parents are still around, parents can offer some pretty good advice to the students — especially if it’s the first boyfriend or girlfriend — to get past the pain of breaking up. I also think it’s hard to beat your hormones when you are naturally attracted to someone, so I don’t think it’s a bad idea to start dating in high school.”
