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Fear of committing

MVHS students discuss their various fears of commitment

Arushi Singh and Crystal Cheng • March 9, 2024

Jinyong Um

Throughout high school, junior Jinyong Um has seen many of his friends enter relationships prematurely — some of which resulted in his friends regretting it. Experiencing these unhealthy relationships second-hand has impacted Um’s perspectives on relationships as well.

“One particular friend of mine who's already graduated got into this relationship and she said that it was a pretty big mistake,” Um said. “The longer that relationship went on, the more she realized he wasn't really being a good boyfriend.”

Seeing his friends undergo this experience has caused Um to develop a fear of committing to a relationship or a deep friendship, since the person he ends up committing to may be someone that he ends up disliking as he gets to know them better. He also notes that when committing to a relationship, there are different factors that make the idea of a relationship daunting.

“The media makes it very idealistic that relationships don’t have many problems, but I feel like in real life, there’s a lot of problems that you don’t think about like communication and expectations,” Um said. “What you expect in a relationship is probably different from each other and communicating that is really important.”

While Um expresses that he does eventually want to experience being in a relationship, he feels that being in one in high school or college is too early. Instead, he thinks that it’s better to meet and pursue someone romantically after graduating college.

“I feel like you might get to know someone and then it turns out they're not the person you thought they were,” Um said. “I feel like if I dated someone, I would date them knowing that I would break up with them eventually if it was in high school or college.”

Vanshika Turkar

It was the fear of committing to the wrong place that stopped senior Vanshika Turkar from applying to a college early decision — a binding decision that requires applicants to attend if accepted. Turkar expresses that her fear was that if she applied, she might choose a college that wasn’t right for her, since she would have been given less time to decide if it was a suitable choice.

“Right now, there's a lot of changes that are going to happen in my life, like living in a new place and studying in a new place,” Turkar said. “I feel that an initial commitment [by applying early decision] before really understanding the place and having the time to think through what you think is the best for yourself is what I would be afraid of.”

One thing Turkar has been uncertain about is what life would be like at a college outside of California or the Bay Area, where the demographic of the student body would be vastly different from that of MVHS’s. She mentions that some of her friends who currently attend colleges with a racial demographic that differs from MVHS’ sometimes find it difficult to feel as though they belong.

“Leaving this bubble of Cupertino will certainly be different when you go somewhere new,” Turkar said. “You'll meet different people who have had very different experiences, and sometimes it might be hard to fit in.”

To assuage her fears, Turkar thoroughly researches the colleges she is considering attending and, when possible, plans in-person visits to these colleges. She says that exploring what each college campus is like and what each one offers lessens her looming fear of choosing the wrong college.

“I ended up visiting one of the schools that I was really interested in — UIUC — last February, and I think going there and seeing the place really reduced my anxiety about leaving the state to go to college,” Turkar said. “That really helped by seeing that things would be okay.”

Anishka Khatwani

Fearful of choosing a career path, junior Anishka Khatwani is unsure of whether or not she wants to pursue a career path in humanities or medicine in college. According to Khatwani, her hesitation arises from the daunting prospect of choosing a field that she might not like later on.

“I'm afraid of choosing a medical career or a humanities career because they're in such opposite directions,” Khatwani said. “It's kind of hard to change paths once you decide on one.”

Khatwani says that she is considering law as an alternative due to her uncertainty about being able to commit to medicine and believes it aligns with her interests more.

“I think law could be a safer choice for me because I don't know if I'll be competent enough to be a lab tech for an MRI,” Khatwani said. “I might go into law but I also can't decide. I wanted to specifically do environmental law because I've always cared about the environment and contributing to my community.”

As of now, Khatwani is taking both Law and Biology courses and plans to declare her major during college. However, she also says that part of the reason she does not want to go into medicine is because of how much time and work it takes to become a doctor.

“My sister is going into biology as she wants to be a doctor and her workload is a lot to hear about,” Khatwani said. “It's stressful just hearing about it and I don't know if I want to put myself through that.”

Additionally, Khatwani believes that just like her, nobody is completely sure about what they want to do in the future, even if they think they are. She says that it is too early for students to know what career they want to pursue.

“At this young age, I don't have that much experience,” Khatwani said. “You might think that you want to do something, but once you get more experience in the real world, you may change your mind later on. I don't think I don't think everything is set in stone yet.”

Prita Mathashery

Sophomore Prita Mathashery’s biggest worry is choosing courses for junior year — specifically, she is stuck on whether to take AP U.S. History and Honors American Literature together, also known as “HAMPUSHing.” She recognizes the importance of choosing more rigorous courses to stand out to colleges but also wants to maintain a schedule she can manage.

“I don't have a clear idea of exactly how much the course load is for both of the current courses, so I'm scared of signing up for something if I don't know if I'm going to be able to handle it,” Mathashery said. “I'm not very clear on exactly how much work AP U.S. History or Honors American Literature would be, so I'm just trying to decide if I'm ready to make that commitment or not.”

In the past, Mathashery has felt that courses that she has taken were too hard for her and she says she wishes she chose easier ones. To ensure that she does not make the same mistake again, Mathashery says she has been trying to get more opinions about the courses she plans to take.

“I'm trying to ask other people for advice and their experience,” Mathashery said. “And how they weren't able to handle it. And maybe off of that, I can figure out exactly how I would be able to handle it if I do choose to take it.”

Mathashery adds how some peers are supportive of her decisions while others warn her about the rigor of classes and advise her not to take them. The conflicting opinions and advice she’s received exacerbate her uncertainty about whether she will make the right choices.

“I've heard some bad things about AP U.S. History and Honors American Literature,” Mathashery said. “That makes me scared to take it as well. I'm hearing how other people have had a hard time. I haven't heard that much about people being scared about taking courses, but there are definitely some people who are nervous.”

About the Contributors

Arushi Singh, Sports Editor

Arushi Singh is currently a senior and a Sports Editor for El Estoque. In her free time, she enjoys listening to music, playing the piano, and spending time with friends and family.

Crystal Cheng, Opinion Editor

Crystal Cheng is currently a senior and an Opinion editor for El Estoque. In her free time, she enjoys playing the piano, annihilating Stardew Valley and bullet journaling.