Back to home

A story of how my relationship with my dad grew.

Eshika Tiwari

I’m walking around Home Depot when a gentle breeze hits my face. I feel warmth in my body, although it’s not the warmth of the air, it’s my dad holding my hand. 

When I was younger, we would always go on dad and daughter dates. Hand in hand, we’d walk from aisle to aisle looking for home or gardening supplies. However, the flower section was both of our favorites.

In reality, I didn’t care about going to Home Depot. I cared about the excitement I felt hearing my dad yell in from downstairs, asking me If I wanted to go with him. I loved these trips because I was the one that got to choose the flowers for my garden, something my sister was never able to do. Holding his hand made me feel like he was my daddy bear and I was his little Eshu. He was my protector.

But, the flowers, like all living things, eventually died. 

The flowers dying didn’t bother me, it was the fact that we stopped buying them together.  As I got older, we started spending less time together. We were both busy — I had school, and he had work. We never really got to go back and relive the moments we had together when I was younger, and our trips to pick flowers more or less became nonexistent. The loss of our trips showed my growth — I was too old to be Eshu anymore. Our relationship was changing and there was nothing I could do about it. 

At first, I didn’t feel any differently because I felt like our relationship would eventually return to how it was before. However, after a while, I understood that our connection had permanently changed. I started to realize that we weren’t talking about his childhood, making memories together or driving around places anymore. There was no one to take me to Home Depot, no one to hold my hand while walking and no one to hug when I felt lonely. There was no more little Eshu — I was just Eshika. 

When I looked at him, I noticed the same tension in both of our eyes. I wasn’t scared of him — I was scared of losing him, and it seemed like I had. We had grown apart.

But, a few months ago, my sister started getting ready to leave for college, and I think my dad  realized that his daughters were growing up, and he had to grow his relationship with me before I left too.

“Eshika?” He came into my room. I could tell he was nervous, but I wasn’t sure why.

“Do you want to go to Home Depot with me?” I couldn’t hide my smile — listening to those words made me anxious. I had missed him so much but had been too scared to tell him. Every day, I replayed the memories we shared to replace real life experiences. When I saw him making an effort to rebuild our relationship, I realized he also missed our shared moments too.

So Dad, if you’re reading this, I can’t wait to experience everything by your side. Although we are both busy and don’t have much time to spend together, I am still that little Eshu that would love to pick outfit choices for you, play golf together, go shopping with you, and most importantly, the Eshu that would love to make new memories with you. Let’s go to Home Depot again, and this time I’ll be sure to water the flowers.