My room is like a confusing archaeological site — books on Jungian psychology or Kant philosophy are strewn across the floor, pages from various film screenplays are tacked onto my walls and annotated poems with barely legible notations spill from my notebooks. If an anthropologist were to stumble across my room 200 years from now, seeking to study the teenage girl archetype of the early 2020s, I’m certain they’d leave more confused than enlightened.
For as long as I can remember, my innate curiosity has defined my life. There was nothing I loved more than learning and embracing the unknown. At age 11, I began an ever-growing list of books to read that now seems impossible to finish in a lifetime. Everything from the psychology of parasocial relationships to the intricate manipulation behind the portrayal of the British royals fascinated me. I’m probably Netflix’s “Explained” series’ number-one viewer. For years, I loved the race against time to understand as much about the world as I could in my lifetime.
But when high school rolled around, my enthusiasm began to change. I had anticipated getting busier and having to sacrifice my personal time, but had not considered that my fascinations would be completely replaced by school subjects that, frankly, didn’t spark anything in me. The rigid structure of courses, culture of academic rigor, perpetual chase for recognition and inescapable competition caused my love for learning to deteriorate. Very quickly, the one thing I had found liberating was confined by timed essays, detailed rubrics and a numerical GPA measurement. Learning grew bounds, and I was begrudgingly within them.
And even though I fought against it, I felt like I had no choice but to sacrifice my true interests to pursue an academic grandeur that felt like life or death. The late nights studying until the sun rose, constant pressure to be the best version of myself and how quickly it felt like I had to grow up — it was hard not to feel like the world was no longer my oyster.
Looking back at the past four years, however, the difficulty of burnout and disappointment from how my priorities had changed overshadowed what I was learning.
Amidst the countless late nights on the phone with my friends as we spiraled over grueling tests, college apps or simply growing pains, I forged some of my deepest connections. The mutual support I clung to taught me how to rely on others and how crucial it is to have a community that truly knows you. Moments in student leadership or collaboration where I felt misunderstood by others forced me to stand up for myself — something I had always avoided like the plague. Instances of failure that felt like the end of the world (they weren’t) acclimated me to losses and taught me the subtle art of letting go of control.
I could go on and on about all the lessons I carry with me, but I think it’s something you have to experience for yourself. As cliche as it sounds, learning these things first-hand changed my life for the better.
Learning on my own from afar was always comfortable — the books, films and essays presented me with all the knowledge I aspired for while keeping the daunting nature of the world at arms length. In fact, as an introvert, it was liberating. But the highs and lows of high school taught me more than any book or documentary ever could have — it pushed me out of the shell I was comfortable existing in and into new spaces I would have never thought I’d find myself in. I realize now that the entire experience of high school, no matter how grueling it was at times, was the unknown I had always been chasing through learning.
In my true fashion of inquisitiveness, I’m going into college undeclared. I still don’t know exactly what line of learning I will commit my life to. Whether it’s the classic post-MVHS STEM route or I find myself interning at law firms, I revel in the knowledge that opportunities to learn are all around me. I know my love for learning will follow me wherever I go, and to the places that await me — not just in textbooks or lecture halls, but in the spaces I have yet to experience and the people I have yet to meet.
