Wanted: a pair of purple ear plugs

Wanted%3A+a+pair+of+purple+ear+plugs

Soumya Kurnool

Why make ruckus and overexert the vocal cords when you can knit quietly? Students should remember that even though spirit is important, silence is golden. Photo illustration by Kevin Tsukii.

My hearing is not something I am proud of. My minuscule 1.9375 inch ears will pick up “Who are you?” as “How are you doing?” — leading, of course, to the greatest of awkward turtles. After going to the Battle at Mount Olympus winter rally (my first one!), I really wonder why the rest of this school isn’t as deaf as I am.

Getting pumped up

Defying common sense, I resolved to turn over a new leaf. From the start of Greek Week and on, I would come out of my shell of apathy and go whole hog with spirit weeks (rallies included).

Reality strikes

Friday morning, just in time for the rally, I found I had lost all my newborn spirit and regained my senile grouchiness. Quite frankly, the last thing I wanted to do was walk around like a Greek mummy in a bed-sheet — a white one, too! Did Leadership expect 2519 people to bring white bed-sheets to school so they could be soiled? Nuh-uh. A white shirt would have to do.

Drama gods

As to all things I do not deem of importance, I came fashionably late just as the rally videos started playing. Naturally, the only open space for me was next to the brick wall and behind tall heads, the best spot in the house in terms of visibility for a 5″2.5′ junior.

To my chagrin, I had to sneak off the bleachers to peek at the screen. I was greeted by Artemis infringing on Poseidon’s personal space at a swimming pool, following Hades to “her” candle-lit cave, and catching Zeus one-fourth naked (Scandalous! His chiton only covers half of his chest!) in his Infinity G37.

As the class gods got stalked to their dens, the crowd went ballistic, which made me infinitely glad that I was only surrounded on three sides by juniors gone loco.

All hail the brick wall!

Auditory annihilation

The dreaded mike was brought out, prompting me to do three things:

(1) brace myself for complete auditory annihilation.

(2) curse myself for not bringing ear plugs.

(3) cringe at how long half an hour could be.

I was utterly swamped in the middle of a bog of blaring music, fanatic juniors, very loud ASB officers on mics and crazy guys next to me who on several occasions nearly whacked my brains out and stomped my foot off.

Looking around the auditorium, I was shocked to see the displays of class spirit. Green and blue pompoms pumped in exact synchronization, eerily seeming to control the students themselves. People screamed their guts out for poor blindfolded souls trying to find a chair in a delusional rally game. Hearts and souls, people were into this.

What is in the numbers 2012, 2013, 2014, and 2015 that causes these violent paroxysms of spirit?

I, using my vast reservoirs of common sense and rational judgement, cannot explain the phenomena of Monta Vista rallies, so a different approach is needed to explain them.

A conspiracy theory

Here’s mine. Rallies are all a big conspiracy. A big distraction, something to break out of the drudgery of school. A clever way to fool the administration into allowing shorter periods. So what the heck, if it’s working, I’ll go with it because I do favor having thirty fewer minutes in class.

Just don’t expect to find me at any more rallies, though. If you don’t mind, I’ll just stick to my quiet and peaceful Calculus homework.