Once upon a time, Snow White was a beautiful princess. Now she’s a two-piece costume with thigh-highs and stripper heels.

This week I planned to speculate on the appeal of vampires, which I’ve been pondering pretty persistently with Halloween creeping closer and closer.

But then I went costume shopping.

Disney’s Snow White was my costume of choice this year. I already have the black hair (recently dyed), the red lipstick (courtesy of Clinique), the Prince Charming (steed not included), and even an apple! But when I hit the stores in search of the classic beauty’s outfit, all I found was brightly-colored lingerie. Upon closer inspection, I discovered that the bra-miniskirt ensemble was labeled “Sexy Snow White”.

I’ve always wanted to be a princess. Snow White holds a special place in my heart because hers was one of the first fairy tales I learned and she was the original Disney princess, created in 1937. “Whistle While You Work” is my cleaning anthem. So I’m not sure what twisted sentiment would cause manufacturers to find the sexualization of childhood icons bankable, or what would push average Venusians to consume these travesties. All I know is that I’m not impressed.

Once girls get past the age of thirteen, there’s no going back to the ill-fitting yet heartwarming princess and fairy costumes of our younger years. These days, the plastic tiaras and sparkly wands have been replaced with five-inch heels and fake eyelashes, the innocent trick-or-treat excursions with far from innocent late-night parties.

But I’m no Peter Pan. I fully understand that as Martians and Venusians age, they are licensed to the all licentious bacchanals they choose to partake in. 

See, I’m not asking anyone not to grow up. All I’m asking is that my Snow White not be stained in the process.