“One, two, three…” My drum teacher’s voice echoed from one wall of the room to another as I lifted my drum sticks and slammed them on the surface of the snare. As a 4-year-old, I remember being extremely bored and wanting to run from the room whenever I had a lesson. When my mom finally noticed how disinterested I was, she decided to introduce me to a string instrument instead: the violin.
Something about the new instrument made me want to stay. Maybe it was the four strings, the bow and the intricate parts I had to pick up in order to play the instrument that drew my interest. Unlike the drums, the violin produced a diverse range of sounds. Although more complex, I was curious about all its unique features and how to use each part of the instrument to create something beautiful.
I continued to learn violin, taking lessons every week and grasping the basic concepts of the instrument. I even joined a small chamber ensemble when I was in third grade, which helped me learn about the joy of performing with other musicians. The chemistry of playing in a group was an incredibly unique experience that solo performances couldn’t replicate.
In middle school, I became part of my school’s orchestra program, gaining close friendships, traveling to events and experiencing personal growth through music. Despite the highs, I faced challenges, starting with a rejection from the California All-State Orchestra in seventh grade. I remember feeling disappointed because the rest of my friends in my orchestra class had gotten in.
Since a lot of my happiness came from success, not seeing the results I wanted sparked my imposter syndrome. I felt unmotivated to practice and struggled to get myself to play my daily routine of scales, arpeggios and assigned pieces. But despite feeling extremely unmotivated, my mom encouraged me to keep going. I realized how hardworking the rest of my peers were to get to their level. I then made one promise to myself: to try again the next year and put more effort into my audition.
From eighth to 10th grade, I enjoyed auditioning for higher level ensembles and competing for higher seats in the orchestra, learning to accept the outcome, whether I liked it or not. Over time, I learned to cope with rejection, understanding that perseverance and hard work yield more promising results.
However, I began to discover that competing wasn’t truly my passion. I didn’t like how much pressure I felt every time I had to perform competitively in front of a judge or film countless recordings to achieve perfection, being the perfectionist that I was. What ultimately stuck with me was the fact that I really just wanted to play for a positive purpose — for the joy of music. Just like the time I first picked up my violin and felt immediate joy from the sound of the music.
When COVID-19 hit, my violin teacher had to take an abrupt hiatus for personal reasons, causing me to stop taking lessons. But right when one door closed behind me, another opened: I was asked to join my church’s worship band as a student leader and volunteer.
I rehearsed alongside musicians and vocalists of all ages playing different instruments such as keys, electric guitars and even drums. Occasionally, I tried being a vocalist, although I usually improvised tunes on my violin, recognizing the song’s notes and playing by ear. I created harmonies or notes supporting the leading melody and the singer’s voice, allowing me to express myself freely and exercise creativity in strategies similar to composing classical pieces. While performing, I’d move my body in a way that inspired the audience to engage, become energized and feel touched by the music. My team members would lovingly support me and help maintain the energy high.
Although I no longer take lessons or participate in competitions, I find joy in the freedom to be creative with my violin, as well as being a part of a team that brings happiness to others while serving a positive purpose. I’m still an active member of Monta Vista’s Chamber Orchestra and Menlo Church’s worship team, two communities of lifelong friends and musicians who provide me with the greatest gift — joy.
