Cuper Scooper: Economy Schmeconomy

Cuper Scooper: Economy Schmeconomy

Akshay Agrawal

Weighing in on the current economic crisis.

 
ImageThe economy doesn't really bother me.

As a proper student, I don't think much about things, you know,"out there."

It's not like the economy is that  important. So my parents lose a third of their net worth when the stock market drops to its lowest levels since 2004. How is that going to affect my chances of getting into a private college?

It's not paying for college that's important, you see, it's about getting in. I'm sure I can take out a student loan or something. It will be like an investment.

But not a stock market investment.

I was beginning to think that I'd never get a sob story for college applications. Financial difficulties- what's more of an excuse for mediocrity than that? Just imagine: a dusty hill, crops drying in the sun, me working in the fields all day and doing homework at night.

You know what would be really good? If my mom bought a house with a sub-prime mortgage. Then we could get it foreclosed. 

Forget the field worker scenario, I could be living out of a car! In fact, I could be a field worker living out of a car!

I have to say, emotionally blackmailing admissions officers has never been so easy.

I'm not given to thinking farther ahead than first semester senior year, but there is one thing that worries me. What if, by the time I send in my application, the economy's already better? There goes all the sympathy! I'm back to writing about the time I got a sunburn at the Lincoln Elementary walkathon.

But that's not going to happen. I mean, come on, the entire country of Iceland went bankrupt a while ago. If it's that serious, it's going to take more than a year to improve. Or four years for that matter, though you wouldn't know it from listening to the presidential debates.

So my prospects still look good. That is, they look bad- but you know what I mean.