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Sonia Verma

Kavita Gupta and her mother video call, despite the physical barriers they face

Kavita Gupta

December 9, 2022

Muffled audio and scratchy depictions of her pixelated mother is what teacher and science curriculum lead Kavita Gupta regularly encounters when communicating with her mother in India. When Gupta attempts to call her mother through WhatsApp, they are often unable to hear and see one another, which makes it difficult for them to keep in touch.

Kavita Gupta (right) takes a picture with her 90-year-old mother, Vimla Jindal, during her recent trip to Lucknow, India in July of 2022. Photo courtesy of Kavita Gupta | Used with permission

“The pain of distance is always present as a first generation immigrant when you have your happy milestones [that your parents] can’t be a part of,” Gupta said. “I wake up very early to talk to [my mom] because that’s the only time her help is there who can [set up] the phone, but it’s such a limited interaction. And sometimes [my mom’s] hand goes on the screen and then the screen freezes. And then she says, ‘Oh, I can’t see you,’ and I feel so frustrated.”

In response to these difficulties, Gupta traveled to visit her mother in February and July of 2022. Her main goal in these trips was to visit her aging mother and show her that she is still valued. 

“I want to hug her, not leave her even for a minute and just be there [for her],” Gupta said. “[I want to] make her hair, get a tailor to make her nice fitted clothes, make her feel loved [and] make her feel like there is somebody who still cares for her.”

Recently, Gupta began to ask her mother a variety of different questions, with the hope of better understanding her life. Through this, Gupta learned that her mother was raised by a progressive father in a conservative time period, which shaped her into the person she is today.

In high school during the year of 1986, Kavita Gupta gets ready to go to her school’s equivalent of prom. Photo courtesy of Kavita Gupta | Used with permission

“Everything that I know, [my mother] has taught me,” Gupta said. “She has taught me a love for learning, how to not give up and the strength of women. Even though my mom was raised in a pretty patriarchal, misogynistic society, she still took courage to express herself. Mostly she’s taught me to love life, enjoy life and be kind to humanity.”

Due to the airline shutdowns and the strict lockdown policy during the pandemic, Gupta was unable to travel back to India when her father passed away in 2020. It wasn’t until February of 2022 that Gupta was able to fly back to support her mother and pay her final respects to her dad. 

“[I went back to] the house that my dad built when I was in high school,” Gupta said. “Some of [the things I picked for the house] are still there, but he wasn’t there. I knew I needed to be strong for my very frail mom because she has low resiliency and depression, so I didn’t want her feeling too low. It definitely was very heartbreaking to see how life had changed, yet I was so thankful that my mom was there [and] there was still a [place to come] home to.”

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