If I’m being completely honest, you drive me crazy.
I need to break my habit of thinking that you’re on my side, that of course I’m always going to have you around. So I come home and sit at my desk and literally stare at nothing for a solid eight hours, convincing myself that I have plenty of you to spare, and then all of a sudden it’s midnight — and I still have three essays to write, 30 math problems to solve and a very thin layer of sanity that I’m still hanging on to.
OK, maybe I can’t blame my lack of how I manage you entirely on your existence, but it really would be nice if you could slow down; maybe sit down to tie your shoes and then freeze somehow in the process. I didn’t realize how fast you spun around me until you slowly left me reeling this year, as I’ve begun to notice the trail of destruction you always leave in your wake. With every passing second, you slowly chip away at everything I take for granted, so slowly that I never really notice that anything’s different, until I look up and suddenly realize that everything’s changed.
Or maybe I’m just a tiny bit dramatic. In any case, you do take more of me and my life than I appreciate. As June is rapidly approaching, it’s not just my junior year that’s coming to a close, but also some of my senior friends’ high school experiences. The faces I see every day, in just a few months, I’ll see no longer. The people I bop to Shawn Mendes with and talk about human existence with and watch cat videos with won’t be with me anymore, and it’s all because you take them with you. You whisk them away to the bright futures they hold, farther and farther away from me.
In what I’m sure will seem like the blink of an eye, I’ll be the one counting down the days until my college acceptances (hopefully) come. I’ll be the one saying good-bye to my friends, the one hugging my parents goodbye and cramming everything that’ll fit into a giant purple suitcase, all because of you.
So, yes, you drive me crazy. That said, I’ve always been a sucker for yearly anniversaries, and it’s because of you that I remember to text my best friends happy birthday at midnight on the dot, reflecting on the countless ice cream runs and midnight rants we’ve experienced over the years. You grab my hand and tug me forward, running at the speed of light, never once letting me look back or slow down or take things in. Sometimes you exhaust me, but you also force me to learn how to adapt, how to be quick on my feet and most importantly, how to appreciate the people and the moments in my life I might not get to see tomorrow.
For that, I appreciate you. I thank you. I love you.