Boys on top!

Boys on top!

Aafreen Mahmood

Now there’s scientific proof that guys are actually ahead in the race to contentment.

Ladies, what’s wrong with us? 

My dad sent me an article today, possibly to indirectly ask me how I’m feeling about life. I’m doing great actually, Dad, thanks! Unfortunately, it looks like the rest of my race isn’t doing so hot.

According to a 2006 study conducted by Princeton economist Alan Kreuger, teenage boys are a lot happier with their lives than girls are. 25 percent of adolescent Martians are perfectly happy with their lives, a dramatic rise from the meager 16 percent of the 1970s. Venusians, on the other hand, have remained completely unchanged since bell-bottoms ravaged the earth, weighing in at a static 22 percent, and rapidly declining.

It’s definitely not about the quality of life, which has been seeing a steady increase since the seventies with less crime, more socializing, and cooler gadgets. So what’s the deal, girls?

One reason the study cites is that women in the seventies had “narrower ambitions”. They competed strictly within their own sex and didn’t aspire to be tycoons and moguls. Today, however, we’ve got Martians to keep up with, bacon to bring home, and myriad ways to get there.

In daily life as well as on a larger scale, Venusians are flooded with options, from makeup brands to career options. While having the freedom to choose is invaluable, too many options are not necessarily healthy. We’re always unsure about whether we made the right choice, whether there’s something better out there, whether we could have made a more well-informed decision. Martians are simpler with more immediate aspirations and clearer pleasure points, which may be one of the reasons their happiness levels are on an incline while ours are plummeting.
But that’s just an average Venusian’s speculation. Whatever the reason may be, here’s an idea for my doublethinking, workaholic girls out there — take a break, get happy, and focus on what’s important: beating the boys.