The Student News Site of Monta Vista High School

El Estoque

The Student News Site of Monta Vista High School

El Estoque

The Student News Site of Monta Vista High School

El Estoque

Swank Farms review

Swank Farms, a Halloween corn maze and pumpkin patch farm, fails to please expectations. 

 
“Throwing of corn = assault and/or destruction of private property may result in arrest.” That is what visitors of Swank Farms in Hollister, California have to face as a side dish to their family fun. About an hour away, a dirt parking lot welcomes you into basically, nothing at all. The Swank Farms website and brochures show a massive grandeur, hype, and sheer amazing sites, but there was none of that. I felt like i was in a National Lampoon road trip movie, and had found some sort of wax museum about dead bugs or something similarly displeasing. But either way, these places usually have a unique charm and character, the California weather was at its finest, so Swank Farms was mine.
Swank farms has been creating massive corn mazes for years, It also has a unexpectedly small pumpkin patch, as well as a haunted house type exhibit if you choose to make the trek at night. Judging from their website and its aerial-view pictures, the corn maze is absolutely massive. It is.
The fact I parked, did a 360 degree swivel and still didn’t know where to walk first pretty much summed it up, there isn’t much there. There's a bubble thing for kids to jump on trampoline-style, and some hay stacks, but there are very few signs, nothing particularly eye-catching or appealing and not even many people. I was promised family fun and I wasn’t seeing it. But still, out of the car climbed Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister, Grandfather, and Dog.
There's a relentless feeling of trying a bit too hard, trying to be something it’s not. There are go karts, but they're of the peddle variety. There is a goat walk and a petting zoo, but my Boston terrier attracted more attention, and the ghost-town feel inspired anxiousness and a seething desire to just get home. And, to top off the absolutely unbelievably bursting family fun is a sign hammered into the ground just in front of the ticket office. “No hoodies, No foul language” followed by the infamous flying corn warning.
 I managed to get past the cringe-worthy attempts at Halloween fun and went straight for the maze. It's the main attraction and is why someone visits. It turns out the maze isn’t much of a maze at all, you’re given a map to find words placed around the maze to fill out a paragraph about the maze’s history. What’s a maze if you don’t get lost? However, with enough time to trudge through the entire field (They estimate 1 hour) and a child young enough, it could definitely be a family-pleaser. The reality is, the entertainment definitely isn’t spoon-fed to you happiest-place-on-earth Disneyland style, but its there to be discovered for your own, at the right time, with the right company.
Next was a labyrinth (part of the $10 for a wrist band for entrance to the maze, packages were also available to include the other attractions) This was meant to be a therapeutic process – different stages along the path were meant for thinking through a situation in a different way. Unlike the depressing sites I’d seen to get there, it made sense. If I had a problem that was nagging away at the back of my brain, I’d welcome the process with an open mind, ready feet, and a resistance to throwing corn.
 Many friends were jealous of the fact I was going to such a corn maze, and I was disappointed that they had no reason to be. There’s a lot to be said for the traditional. Gimmicks aren’t necessary. Give us just a maze, a normal maze, no map, the ability to get nerve-shatteringly lost, and we’ll be happy. Simple creatures, us humans.
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